||[Feb. 2nd, 2013|04:55 pm]
i feel raw, vulnerable.|
there's so much to do, and i don't want to do any of it. i want to listen to handsome girl and write poetry and maybe cry.
of the three articles & half book i'm supposed to read and write a response on by tuesday at five, i've read one. carolyn miller's "genre as social action." in it, she says, "the urge to classify is fundamental." which plays into handsome girl. which plays into fat studies. which plays into agency and living in our bodies and all the feelings i keep feeling.
it's funny how i instinctively trust people.
perhaps the worst part of the m.a. is that it's a two-year program. because so many people i like so much will be gone next year. even now, some people i really like graduated from undergrad in december.
being here is learning a new language. it's overwhelming. it's exhausting.
anyway, i want to write something about fat subjectivity. connecting to fat activism means exposing myself to possibly painful things so often--posts on the listserv deriding the newest horrible thing (fat shaming, lately) still include the original article. and then, for whatever stupid reason, i read the original article and spiral.
and i don't want to be that person that's like, i'm sensitive and everything triggers me. everything floods me with these emotions i can't hold down.
but maybe i have to own it.